While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
A bitchslap is in order.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
