Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
