Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
