so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
