You work out of a Hotel?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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