I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
