Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
