yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize