Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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