this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize