i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
