Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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