Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
