My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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