And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just cut my nipple shaving
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
