i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
