I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize