What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
