I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
how does that bad decision feel?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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