My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
