Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize