I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
