I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
