Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Randomize
