Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
