You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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