Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
