someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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