If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
