I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
