my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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