You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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