Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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