I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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