I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
