I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
did i just pee glitter
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
