to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize