Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
