i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
