im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
