I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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