I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
