Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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