i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
