my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
