when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
