I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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