listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
