we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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