2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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