my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
