Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
