After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize