yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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