Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
