Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Everything about him screamed your future.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
