Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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