the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
soo... how was my night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
