ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
