i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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