just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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