Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
