4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I've blown a few things in my day
Girls should come with a carfax report
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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