Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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