It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
