Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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