dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
