plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
