I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The best revenge is premature balding
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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