Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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