she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
