I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
