So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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