i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
