His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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